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Tender website for dating

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The way you look for love influences what you get. Page argues that the ways our contemporary culture instructs us to find love—looks and gimmicks and games on digital devices or games of playing hard to get or acting confident —are really paths to loneliness. Those are the connectors to love. University of Texas psychologist Paul Eastwick took direct aim at the common belief that mate value is summed up in looks or charisma or some other desirable quality visible to observers. Instead, Page says, what is most important is that we all have unique, quirky selves, and it is only through recognizing our essential features—often forged through difficult experiences—that we can feel authentic and attract the partners who will meet our deepest needs. Studies have shown that the act of dating online changes users in a few ways. It actually inhibits choice and deters commitment to any choice. Just as the social world is hurtling full tilt to force decisions more and more on less and less, so are forces moving in the opposite direction. SHARE If you are a bit leery about pinning what is likely the most important decision in your life—who will be your partner through good times and bad, possibly the parent of your children—on a stranger's inclination to swipe left or right based on a snapshot of you, rest easy. But it is the only way to find those who are likely to recognize and appreciate you—that is, those with whom you can find durable intimacy. Uniqueness is revealed over time, as two people get to know each other, and trumps such factors as attractiveness and success. And while looks can indeed play a role in attraction , physical attraction is much more complex and malleable than a single swipe would suggest.

Tender website for dating


Just as the social world is hurtling full tilt to force decisions more and more on less and less, so are forces moving in the opposite direction. The way you look for love influences what you get. It actually inhibits choice and deters commitment to any choice. Instead, Page says, what is most important is that we all have unique, quirky selves, and it is only through recognizing our essential features—often forged through difficult experiences—that we can feel authentic and attract the partners who will meet our deepest needs. But it is the only way to find those who are likely to recognize and appreciate you—that is, those with whom you can find durable intimacy. SHARE If you are a bit leery about pinning what is likely the most important decision in your life—who will be your partner through good times and bad, possibly the parent of your children—on a stranger's inclination to swipe left or right based on a snapshot of you, rest easy. Studies have shown that the act of dating online changes users in a few ways. First, the existence of large numbers of people on any app or website forget, for now, that many may be married or just playing induces users to think that there is a near-infinite pool of perfect people out there, and the ideal mate is just one more click away. In fact, he says, numbers decrease your odds. Those are the connectors to love. They don't garner the hoopla that digital devices do, and they don't pretend to turn your desire into a fast game either, but the trend is real nevertheless. And while looks can indeed play a role in attraction , physical attraction is much more complex and malleable than a single swipe would suggest. A seemingly quaint notion, Eastwick conceded in a related New York Times op-ed article last year. In a conversation, Page disputed the basic idea that dating apps and websites increase your odds of finding a mate at all. The latest bit of evidence is the newly published book Deeper Dating by New York psychotherapist Ken Page, a PT blogger and wise informant on relationships and the search for love. Page is not the first to counter the claims, implicit and stated, of dating apps such as Tinder. Page argues that the ways our contemporary culture instructs us to find love—looks and gimmicks and games on digital devices or games of playing hard to get or acting confident —are really paths to loneliness. University of Texas psychologist Paul Eastwick took direct aim at the common belief that mate value is summed up in looks or charisma or some other desirable quality visible to observers. Uniqueness is revealed over time, as two people get to know each other, and trumps such factors as attractiveness and success.

Tender website for dating


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