I mean this man was surrounded by gorgeous women. And I was amazed at this because I couldn't understand how one person could get all of these fine women like this. The "I think you're cool" answer isn't going to cut it here, ladies. And this kind of thinking from guys isn't just happening in celebrity circles, trust me. I envisioned my life this way, and then created a plan for how I was going to get it. The same philosophy can easily be applied to dating: And if a man cannot tell you how he feels about you after a month of dating, it's because he doesn't feel anything for you—he just wants something. Because please believe me when I tell you—and like I told you in an earlier chapter—a man always has a plan. He was attracted to something—he liked your hair, your eyes, your legs, your outfit. Does he want a family? But this much I will tell you: Because that fear can trip you up every time; all too many of you let the guy get away with disrespecting you, putting in minimal effort and holding out on the commitment to you because you're afraid he's going to walk away and you'll be alone again. He can answer questions about God and the kids and his mother, but with this question, you're asking him to look into his soul, and our DNA isn't made up for the heartfelt outpouring to just anybody. The level of his specifics will give you yet another clue into this man's intentions for your relationship.
We recognize this and play on it, big time. You cut him right off and say, "No, no, I want to know how you feel about me. I'd heard about these superplayers with supermodels on their arms and everything, but when I saw it up close, I was amazed at how the actual connections could happen, and especially why these women stayed with this guy, knowing that they were one of many hanging on his arm. Does he want a family? But if his core beliefs don't match up with yours, you're likely to have a problem. For instance, if he says his dream is to be a producer, but he's not doing anything in the field to actually become one—he's not interning or working for a film com-pany, he's not writing or reading any scripts, he's not making any connections in the industry that might open some doors for him, he hasn't worked for four months and has no prospects of a job in the field he says he's interested in—then you know this man doesn't have a plan. Eventually, I reached those goals and then some. The same applies to the man who states his short-term goals, but clearly has no plan to implement them. What's going to make him do right by you and the kids? That was really nice. If he doesn't want kids and you do, then you can stop all of this right now. The level of his specifics will give you yet another clue into this man's intentions for your relationship. I assure you this is how it will go, because every man will answer this question the same exact way: What about me makes you think I'm kind? At any rate, ask questions about his relationship with his father, and his answers are bound to reveal the kind of father he just might turn out to be. Because that fear can trip you up every time; all too many of you let the guy get away with disrespecting you, putting in minimal effort and holding out on the commitment to you because you're afraid he's going to walk away and you'll be alone again. Do not tie your life together with a human being who does not have a plan, because you'll find out that if he's not going anywhere, sooner or later, you'll be stuck, too. After you find out how he feels about his mother, ask him about his father. Empower yourself—it's your right to know all of these answers up front; per my ninety-day rule, which you'll discover in the next chapter, you need to ask these questions within the first few months of a courtship. And if he isn't willing to answer them, well you know from the gate he's not the one for you. Men love to talk about themselves. You'll know to throw up your much-needed red flag if he doesn't have a plan at all. If he's got a plan, well great. I think you're the kind of woman I could see myself with," all of that generic stuff we know you want to hear. But the point is, I had a long-term plan, with steps on how I was going to get there. Don't get upset if he doesn't answer right away:
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