I need to continue to date my wife even after I marry her. Some feel that God sent them their soul mate. I dearly hope he won't find out, though, as I don't want to lose him and the impact on the children would be terrible. What he doesn't know can't hurt him. You may realize that you have no claim legally or financially, but you would think there'd be an emotional attachment or bond between you and your lover. Others have more difficulty, their mind confused because what they are doing is so contrary to what they believe and value. Lydia Goldblatt for the Guardian I didn't embark on an extramarital affair lightly. You have four potential paths before you: What do you honestly, at the deepest level of your being, expect it to be ten years from now if you abandon your marriage, maybe destroy another in the process if your lover is married as well , and violate your core beliefs? Alternatively, one man I found very attractive couldn't meet when I could — I think his wife was suspicious, so we couldn't take things further. In bed, my dates sometimes suffered from performance anxiety, due to guilt and nerves, probably. All the rest of us are flawed and at times hard to live with. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Underlying vulnerabilities very likely made the new relationship possible. But I carried on and learned to disconnect from the emotional side. I encourage you to date your spouse, pursue them whole-heartedly, and understand that dating shouldn't end just because you said, "I do.
Others have more difficulty, their mind confused because what they are doing is so contrary to what they believe and value. Stealing hours from work or home to have sex is exciting, and you may mistake his libido-driven passion for undying love. It may be difficult for you to know exactly how you got into this situation. She's an incredible girl. No matter how much you may want to walk in the sunshine with him and have him openly acknowledge his love for you, it won't happen. Whether it is because of all the legal and financial problems attached to divorce, religious beliefs or the fact that they have become comfortable with their marriage the way it is -- or even because they still have a certain affection for their wives, men rarely end up with the other woman. He won't risk losing that. Stay in your marriage while continuing a relationship with your lover, 2. Short-term consequences and long-term consequences. What do you honestly, at the deepest level of your being, expect it to be ten years from now if you abandon your marriage, maybe destroy another in the process if your lover is married as well , and violate your core beliefs? This is not an easy statement to comprehend. I added my details, just to test the water, and soon got lots of responses. Their life together includes friendships and a social network that is shared and comfortable for him. I even tried sitting on the sofa in a sexy nightie to greet him when he came home, but he just apologised for not feeling up to it and I ended up feeling humiliated and rejected. Unfortunately, it rarely, if ever, turns out that way. It's very easy to spot the dodgy men. I have to be strict, to not let myself develop an emotional connection with him. Then a year ago I met someone whom I decided to see regularly, and I stopped using the website. When it's over, he will move on. If I had to stop seeing my current man, I wouldn't go back on the website. He will not leave his wife. Instead I would have to think long and hard about my relationship at home. Consequences involving your family, your children, your friends, your religion, your personal beliefs and values, and your spouse. The game soon becomes a chore for him, and romantic interludes are just one more thing he "has to do. We both have children from previous relationships but none together. Or your lover ends it.
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