I thought the OP's feelings came from her belief that there was no primary relationship in this triangle. It never bothered me because we were both clear about our expectations for each other — and it didn't seem to bother her to know there was someone else beside her boyfriend. They do have a kid together. I wasn't yet in the place to be a good partner, but I still wanted the experience of connecting with someone. It was fun, terrible, super sexy, really difficult, and at some moments felt like the best thing ever. You can have a primary partner and any number of casual secondary partners. Then he came home and told me he was leaving me for someone else. When you were casual, you and the guy were equal. None of them worked out long term. So I consider those relationships a success. Wouldn't jealousy get the best of couples in open relationships? This does not match my experience at all. But don't be the secret piece on the side.
The real question you should ask is "what's the payoff to continuing this? I know several poly couples and yes, they all function this way. Having dated several people in open relationships, Jonathan, 23, told Mic, "The guy was actually interested in creating an emotional bond. It's one thing to be the other person, but being the affair is definitely not good for you, or him, or even her. Rip off the band-aid, mourn the relationship - because it is one, whether you intended that initially or not - and move on with your life. But whatever happens with this guy short term or long term, yesterday, tomorrow or in the future, you are going to be stuck with yourself forever. I see what your saying. Even if you're just wrong on that you say this guy doesn't want monogamous and you don't seem like you'd want to be the girlfriend in the current situation, no? Work hard to separate your feelings and honor them. You might think about him a lot especially when you are feeling down. A lot of people don't get that kind of practice because they're in monogamous long-term relationships. That's mindfuckery and you don't want it in your life. I have not met her but I would. I even started dating some guys — both of whom wanted to be monogamous. I wasn't yet in the place to be a good partner, but I still wanted the experience of connecting with someone. Awkwardly, I commented to one of the guys I was seeing, "So Unless you really like drama, I would cut off contact and start seeing other people. Just gotta start looking. This is a big red Drama Flag. It'll only get worse the longer you leave it. What do you want to happen? Every time a young couple asks me how I stayed married for so long, my answer is like this: Because as you said, oxytocin and vasopressin are sucky sometimes. You went into this after your last relationship ended; you don't want a relationship with him, but you're starting to develop feelings for him. Besides, everyone I knew growing up was monogamous. Because that's the sense that I get from reading what the OP wrote.
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