The camouflaged face at the window is mine. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. I want to look you in the eye when I communicate things regarding my girls and their lives. Thou had better have a life. I want you to see my soul, son. I want to look you in the eye when I communicate things regarding my girls and their lives. Do not come into my house with earrings, a grill, or over sized pants with your butt cleavage hanging out. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Read them and weep. One great way to earn my favor is to buy it. Do not even think about approaching me with liberal, hippy, agnostic, atheistic, anti-American or tree humping bull crap. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. I am a Neanderthal. Not only do I have an opinion regarding wannabe suitors, I have 10 commandments for potential boyfriends. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Ten Commandments For Dating My Daughters If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. I call them the Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. I am Doug Almighty, got that Rico Suave? Thou shall do these three things: I'm not one of your thug buddies you can go down the gutter with. Our family is old school. I've been in many fights. I am Doug Almighty, got that Rico Suave? I want you to see my soul, son. If you're a slacking, blame-shifting, visionless slug with genital warts who's waiting for someone to carry them into greatness and who lives by the dictates of his ding dong, then you need to find a girl who doesn't have a father like me. So, take the shades off, Hollywood. Yes, you'd be shrewd to approach me like the three wise men did baby Jesus, namely with gold, frankincense and myrrh. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. I am at least twice your age. Giles" and my wife "Mrs. I've traveled the planet, planted churches and started businesses. I've spent years in Tae Kwon Do. Thou shall look me in the eye, shake my hand like a man and turn off your cell phone. I faced down too-many-to-count charging wild boar. I'd be embarrassed too--there are only ten of them, for crying out loud! And, for the record, I did NOT suggest to one of these cretins that I'd have these rules tattooed on his arm if he couldn't remember them. One time, when my wife caught me having one of my daughter's would-be suitors practice pulling into the driveway, get out of the car, and go up to knock on the front door he had violated rule number one, so I figured he needed to run throught the drill a few dozen times she asked me why I was being so hard on the boy.
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